Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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