The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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