You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
