yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
