I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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