he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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