I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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