They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize