Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
