yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I stole a fireplace last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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