capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
