Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she peed on how many people?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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