wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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