they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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