She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
