and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
