Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
