Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
