On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
