Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize