You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
