The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
