I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
