This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
