I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
