I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
