im about as happy as oj after his trial
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
