just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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