u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
