my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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