Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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