what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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