My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
