**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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