i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
