just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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