garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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