Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize