I think I died a long time ago.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
