dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
where does the pee come out of this thing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
