I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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