the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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