In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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