I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
