you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
