I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize