did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Enjoy the penises
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
