pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
