We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
