Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
