sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize