First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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