new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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