oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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