i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize