he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
