I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
