her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
