My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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