Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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