Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize