good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize