I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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