I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
