We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
