It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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