I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YAS. BRING CRAB.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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