i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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