I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
