just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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