What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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