we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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