I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
