He passed out mid-signature
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
