Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
