my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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