You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize