bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She is in my trunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize