The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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