i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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